Walter Pilapil had a dream: to become a father. After entering a mutual partnership agreement with his husband, Ervin Arribado, adoption seemed within reach. But when the dream was finally possible, Walter walked away—not from lack of love, but from fear that he wouldn't be around long enough for a child.
Nine years earlier, Walter underwent life-saving heart surgery after suffering from heart enlargement, a condition he attributed to years of stress and overwork. What began as a routine checkup turned into an emergency that nearly cost him his life. The experience changed his view of the future.
"If I only have a few years left, what will happen to the child?" Walter recalled asking himself. For him, becoming a father was never the question; staying long enough to be one was.
A Childhood Marked by Difference
Growing up in Daanbantayan, Cebu, in the 1990s, being openly gay was challenging. Strangers, children, and even adults hurled the word "bayot" at him. At a time when acceptance was rare, many LGBTQ+ individuals concealed parts of themselves to avoid being targets. Walter knew this reality all too well.
As a young man, he dreamed of studying Criminology and becoming a police officer. But in an era when openly gay individuals were seldom seen in that profession, fear of judgment pushed him away. Instead, he pursued degree programs that felt more socially acceptable.
A Father's Unwavering Support
While society often questioned his identity, one person never did: his father. Walter describes himself as a proud "Papa's girl." His father defended him, encouraged him, and loved him unconditionally. When his father died in 2013, Walter felt as though a part of himself had disappeared forever. "Kon bird pa na, nabalian og usa ka pako," he said—"If it were a bird, it would have broken a wing."
Confronting Mortality
In 2017, life nearly took away the other. By then, Walter was juggling teaching, community commitments, weddings, and events. Sleep became a luxury, rest an afterthought. Soon, breathing became difficult, and sleeping flat on a bed felt impossible. A routine medical consultation turned into an emergency admission.
Doctors informed him that surgery could no longer wait. Within hours, Walter found himself staring at the bright lights of an operating room. Terrified, he begged to go home, but was wheeled into surgery. The procedure saved his life, but forced him to confront his own mortality. The cost was staggering: the family sold property to cover medical expenses.
When Walter awoke, his future looked different—and so did the people in it.
Choosing Love
During his recovery in a Cebu City hospital, two important figures arrived: a former partner and Ervin Arribado, the man who would become his husband. When asked who he wanted beside him, Walter chose Ervin. Before leaving, the former partner reportedly told Ervin: "Bai, ayaw kabuangi si Walter" ("Don't mess with Walter"). Ervin's response stayed with Walter: "Kon giunsa nimo siya pag-love, palabwan nako" ("However you loved him, I will surpass it").
Four years later, in 2022, Walter and Ervin formalized their commitment through a mutual partnership agreement, becoming the first same-sex couple in Daanbantayan to do so. The ceremony was about recognition, commitment, and family.
Letting Go of a Dream
Ironically, it was that same desire for family that led Walter to abandon the dream of adoption. The possibility of leaving a child behind haunted him more than never becoming a parent. Instead, he chose another path: helping working scholars pursue their education. Over the years, several scholars graduated from college—an achievement Walter considers among the proudest moments of his life.
"Every diploma earned, every graduation march completed, every dream realized by the students I helped reminded me that parenthood can take many forms," Walter said. He may never hear a child call him "father," but he has watched young people cross graduation stages because someone believed in them.
Still Moving Forward
Life tested him again in 2026, when a persistent headache revealed a mild stroke. Today, he takes multiple maintenance medications and monitors his health closely. Yet despite the discrimination, the dreams surrendered, the father he lost, the heart operation, and the stroke, Walter refuses to define his life by hardship. Instead, he measures it through gratitude: for a father who accepted him when acceptance was rare, for a partner who stayed when life became difficult, for scholars who transformed opportunity into achievement, and for the chance to remain true to himself.
For many, Pride is a celebration of identity. For Walter Pilapil, it is surviving long enough to become the person he once needed when he was young. Years ago, he said losing his father felt like losing a wing. Today, he may never have the child he once dreamed of raising, but he has helped others pursue dreams of their own. For a man who once felt like a bird with a broken wing, that may be the closest thing to flying.
