The Struggle of Watching a Loved One Give Up
As I take my turn watching over my 89-year-old mother at the hospital, thoughts about surrender dominate my mind. Not my surrender, but hers. What happens when someone decides they simply want to stop living?
This difficult conversation began while my mother was still at home, receiving medication for pneumonia along with her regular prescriptions. When she falls ill, she often becomes catatonic, and her repeated refrain echoes through the room: "Ayoko na!" - I don't want to continue.
I confronted her directly, explaining that the decision isn't ours to make. "You need to negotiate with God instead," I told her during one of our heartfelt exchanges.
She repeated her desperate plea, and I encouraged her to speak with God about her feelings. Her response surprised me: "Baka sumagot" - What if He answers? "Eh di mabuti!" - Then that would be wonderful! I replied. This conversation marked a turning point, leading to her hospital admission the following day.
The Hospital Reality: Three Days of Resistance
Now, three days into her hospital stay, I'm back on watch duty. Her familiar refrain continues: "Ayoko na!" She declares this after consuming just three tablespoons of food, or after taking three sips of Ensure nutritional drink or water.
Her final statement remains consistent: "Huwag niyo akong pilitin!" - Don't force me! Then she returns to sleep.
Later, she breaks into another emotional outburst: "Ayoko na! Hirap na hirap na ako!" - I don't want to continue! I'm suffering too much!
I gently remind her that she needs to discuss this with God, not me. If she truly wants to leave the hospital, she must eat properly. This reasoning sometimes earns me an additional half-spoon of food, but little more.
The Deeper Question: When Loved Ones Surrender Too Soon
There are moments when anyone might consider giving up on life. I can only imagine how overwhelming this desire must feel when you're 89 years old, sick, and weak.
Earlier this year, during a January hospital stay, someone asked about my mother's age. When I mentioned she was 88 (she turned 89 in May), their response was telling: "Aw, tiguwang na diay pud kaayo!" - Oh, she's very old indeed!
The comment suggested that her approaching the end was an expected reality, that she would likely surrender her fight for life. But I presented an alternative perspective, sharing that their family's eldest member reached 101 and remains alive today.
This experience raises a profound question: How do we support loved ones who want to give up before their natural time?
I feel blessed to have pranic healing skills that allow me to work with energies and restore some health vitality. For how long this will help remains uncertain.
For now, I need to have my own conversation with God about this challenging journey.
The author extends gratitude to Dr. Benedict Valdez and the medical team at SPMC for their dedicated assistance and care.
