Reader seeks advice on winning back his wife
A 45-year-old man, identifying himself as Elmer, writes to advice columnist Noy Kulas seeking guidance on whether he can win back his wife after his infidelity and neglect caused their separation 10 years ago. Elmer admits that while he provided material support, he failed to give his wife attention and affection, leading her to leave him for another man.
Elmer's story of regret
Elmer shares that since his wife left, he has been in and out of relationships, often with mistresses, because he is still technically married. He acknowledges his fault, saying he was often absent due to work as a manager and spent leisure time with friends or mistresses. Now, he feels empty, sleeps only two to three hours, and cries from longing. He sees his wife happy on social media, and their children understand her actions, making him feel like the bad guy.
Noy Kulas's advice
Noy Kulas advises Elmer to first accept that his wife has been with another man. If he can accept that, he should try to court her again, admitting his past shortcomings and taking responsibility for the separation. Kulas emphasizes that material things are not enough to make a spouse happy; attention and love are essential. He suggests Elmer reach out to his wife and win her over, as his realization of his fault shows he still loves her. Kulas also warns that Elmer's lack of sleep and mood changes could lead to depression and recommends seeing a counselor while he works on reconciliation.
