A 42-year-old Filipina using the pseudonym Xerxie has reached out to the SunStar advice column Tambagi ko Noy Kulas with a pressing personal dilemma. She is facing an ultimatum from her younger boyfriend regarding marriage, a prospect that terrifies her due to her upbringing in a broken home.
The Heart of the Dilemma: A Deadline for Commitment
Xerxie, who has had previous live-in relationships that did not last, is currently dating a 32-year-old man. Their relationship is six months old, and she admires his strong will. However, a significant conflict has emerged. Xerxie proposed that they live together first, but her partner firmly declined. He does not believe in what he calls "trial and error," basing his view on the experiences of his older siblings whose relationships never progressed beyond cohabitation.
His stance is clear: if they are to be together, they must get married. He has given Xerxie a deadline to make her decision: May of next year. His ultimatum is stark—if she cannot decide to marry him by then, he believes they should simply part ways.
Roots of Reluctance and a Plea for Advice
The core of Xerxie's hesitation stems from her childhood. She grew up in a broken home and was raised by her grandmother. This experience has left her deeply fearful of a lifetime commitment through marriage. Despite explaining this fear to her partner, she feels he does not listen. Faced with his unwavering position and her own deep-seated anxiety, she is left wondering if the only solution is to break up with him now.
Noy Kulas's Direct Counsel
In his response published on December 5, 2025, the columnist Noy Kulas offers straightforward advice. He begins by stating that if Xerxie does not want commitment, she should let her boyfriend go, as their perspectives are fundamentally different.
However, he challenges the assumption that all marriages are destined to fail. "Many marriages last, with a lifetime commitment," he writes. He emphasizes that what happened in her parents' relationship does not have to be her own fate. If both parties strive to make it work, a relationship can endure forever.
Noy Kulas concludes with a pointed observation regarding her past live-in relationships. He suggests that her previous partners may have left because "they saw no future with you." He notes that women often seek a stable and secure life, implying that her current partner's desire for marriage is a pursuit of that very stability.
