A 42-year-old female executive from Cebu, who chooses to go by the pseudonym Shelly, has reached out to the popular advice columnist Noy Kulas with a deeply personal and troubling dilemma concerning her decade-long marriage.
A Marriage Filled with Distance and Mystery
In her letter published on January 2, 2026, Shelly describes a union that has long felt incomplete. She is married with two children, but over their 10 years of marriage, she has felt a significant void. Her husband, she explains, is a mysterious man who does not fit the typical mold. Unlike other husbands who confide in and bond with their wives, Shelly's partner dedicates more time to his male friends.
Weekends are spent with his barkada (group of friends) on outings, playing tennis or basketball, leaving no time for her. She laments that he does not even check in to ask how she is doing, creating a palpable emotional distance in their relationship.
A Shocking Revelation at a High School Reunion
The situation took a dramatic turn during Shelly's high school class reunion. While catching up with old classmates, one of them pulled her aside for a private conversation. This classmate questioned how well Shelly truly knew her husband.
The classmate then revealed a bombshell: based on what she knew, Shelly's partner was "silahis" (a Tagalog/Cebuano term often meaning gay or homosexual). The source of this information was personal; the classmate had a male cousin who was in a relationship with Shelly's husband back in their college days.
Shelly confessed to feeling profound shame and confusion upon hearing this revelation, leaving her unsure of how to proceed or what to feel.
Noy Kulas's Step-by-Step Guidance
In his response, Noy Kulas provides Shelly with clear, compassionate, and practical advice. His first step is for Shelly to initiate a private, one-on-one conversation with her husband, preferably outside their home.
He advises her to confront him with what she learned from her source without revealing the classmate's identity. This allows the husband to know that his past is no longer a secret. Furthermore, Noy Kulas emphasizes that Shelly must express her long-held grievances about the emotional neglect in their marriage—the lack of time, attention, and the void she has felt for years.
Noy Kulas also highlights a crucial legal point. If it is true that her husband is gay, this could be grounds for declaring their marriage null and void under Philippine law, which he notes is a serious and weighty legal basis.
However, the columnist is not advising immediate separation. Instead, he urges Shelly to listen to her husband's explanation. He wisely notes that not all gay individuals make bad spouses, and some can be very responsible husbands and fathers. The path forward depends on honest communication and understanding the full context of their relationship.
The exchange, sent to his email at rojval69@yahoo.com, underscores the complex intersections of personal secrecy, marital expectations, and social identity in modern Filipino relationships.
