A man from Cebu, identifying himself only as Roman, has shared a poignant story of regret and unresolved anger towards his late parents in a heartfelt letter to the popular advice columnist, Papa Joe. Published on January 4, 2026, the letter reveals a common yet deeply personal Filipino family struggle centered on strict parenting and the emotional aftermath it can leave on children.
A Childhood Shaped by Discipline
Roman, the eldest among many siblings, describes growing up in a household where his parents were quick to use physical punishment, or "bunal," whenever the children disobeyed. While this method resulted in Roman and his siblings becoming disciplined individuals, it came at a significant emotional cost. He confesses that he never felt loved by his parents, and the anger towards them festered within him for years.
The core of his pain was the absence of expressed affection, which was overshadowed by their harsh disciplinary actions. This dynamic left a lasting wound that persisted even into his adulthood.
The Weight of Regret After Loss
The turning point came with the passing of his parents. Roman reveals that only after they were gone did his feelings begin to shift dramatically. The long-held anger has now been replaced by intense longing, or "gimingaw," and profound regret, or "pagmahay."
His primary sorrow is that he never showed them love while they were still alive. He now grapples with this heavy remorse, realizing too late that their discipline, however harshly delivered, likely stemmed from a place of care. He admits to inheriting their disciplinarian tendencies with his own children, a cycle he now views with concern.
Papa Joe's Compassionate Guidance
In his response, Papa Joe offers gentle and insightful advice aimed at healing and breaking the generational pattern. He encourages Roman to reframe his perspective and see the positive outcomes of his disciplined upbringing.
The key advice focuses on three actionable points:
- Understand the Intent: Recognize that his parents likely loved him but lacked the ability to communicate it effectively or show affection alongside discipline.
- Break the Cycle with Your Children: Actively apply the lessons learned from his parents' shortcomings. With his own children, Roman should practice the understanding and explanation that he felt was missing from his own childhood.
- Acceptance and Prayer: Accept that the past cannot be changed and that his parents may have also realized their shortcomings too late. Papa Joe suggests finding peace through prayer for his parents and for himself to accept his current situation.
The exchange highlights a universal theme in Filipino culture: the complex legacy of authoritarian parenting and the journey toward forgiveness and self-awareness. Roman's story serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of expressing love and the deep regrets that can follow when words and actions are left unsaid.
