Dear Noy Kulas: Seeking Peace from Meddling In-Laws After Five Years of Marriage
A 34-year-old married man, who chooses to remain anonymous under the pseudonym Peter, has reached out to SunStar Tambagi with a heartfelt plea for guidance. Despite being happily married for five years, Peter finds his joy overshadowed by the persistent interference of his in-laws, particularly his mother-in-law. This intrusion affects various aspects of his family life, from parenting decisions to financial matters, creating a strain that threatens his peace of mind.
The Root of the Problem: A Past That Haunts the Present
Peter acknowledges that part of the issue stems from his history as a playboy during his college years. His mother-in-law, who was once his college professor, is well-acquainted with this past behavior. Although Peter insists that this phase is long behind him, his in-laws' perception of him remains unchanged. He expresses frustration, questioning whether people can ever truly change and why his efforts to prove his transformation seem futile.
The interference has escalated since Peter and his wife moved out of their in-laws' home. While the living space was comfortable, it lacked the sense of home and privacy Peter desired. He emphasizes that both he and his wife are financially independent, with stable jobs and additional income, yet their in-laws continue to exert control over their decisions. This meddling extends to how they raise their two children, adding to the emotional burden.
Noy Kulas' Advice: A Cultural Approach to Resolution
In response, Noy Kulas offers empathetic and culturally sensitive advice. He suggests that Peter may have avoided confronting the problem directly over the years. To address the lingering impression of his playboy past, Noy Kulas recommends that Peter initiate a conversation with his wife first. Since the issue involves her family, she should serve as the primary communicator to avoid any cultural offense that might arise if Peter speaks directly to his in-laws.
Noy Kulas explains that such parental interference is a natural occurrence, not unique to the Philippines but observed in many cultures worldwide. He advises Peter not to take it as a personal offense but rather as an expression of concern and love from his in-laws, especially towards their grandchildren. By ignoring minor intrusions and focusing on open communication through his wife, Peter can work towards a more peaceful coexistence.
This situation highlights common challenges in Filipino family dynamics, where extended family involvement can sometimes blur boundaries. Noy Kulas' guidance underscores the importance of patience, understanding, and strategic dialogue in navigating these delicate relationships.
