A 28-year-old Filipina, who identifies herself as Merry, finds her joyous engagement overshadowed by alarming demands from her fiancé and disturbing rumors about his past, prompting her to seek advice from SunStar's popular columnist, Noy Kulas.
The Engagement and a Troubling Ultimatum
Merry, who is single but engaged, shared that she and her fiancé are high school classmates. She described him as the "crush ng bayan" (town's crush) in their youth but emphasized his good nature. Their paths diverged in college when he studied nursing in Manila, eventually passing the board exams and returning to work locally, where they reconnected three years ago.
Their relationship proceeded smoothly until a marriage proposal in November 2025, which filled Merry with happiness. However, the situation quickly changed. After the proposal, her fiancé began persistently suggesting they "check-in" to a hotel. His stated reason was that he wanted her to "surrender her virginity" so he could be sure he was her first.
This demand deeply hurt Merry, as it was never an issue he raised before. She is his third boyfriend, yet she has not been intimate with any of her previous partners, not even sharing a kiss. The sudden pressure has cast a dark shadow over what should be a celebratory time.
Whispers from the Past and a Pattern of Denial
Complicating matters further are warnings Merry received from old classmates after they learned of her engagement. Multiple sources informed her that her fiancé was known as a "babaero" (womanizer) during his time in Manila and may even have a child from a previous relationship.
When Merry confronted him with these serious allegations, he denied everything. The combination of his past rumors and his current pressure for sexual proof has led her to a painful suspicion. "Noy Kulas, I am doubting that his proposal was just his way of gaining my trust to carry out his wicked plan. Am I right?" she asks in her letter, published on January 5, 2026.
Noy Kulas's Stern Advice: Respect is Non-Negotiable
In his response, Noy Kulas validates Merry's concerns. He states that her suspicion is very possible and could indeed be part of a plan. He draws a clear line on respect, asserting that a man with good and honest intentions would never make such a demand of the woman he loves.
His direct advice is for Merry to say no and not to give in to his wishes. He urges her to tell her fiancé that he is free to back out and break off the relationship if that is how he views and treats her. Kulas reminds Merry of the old saying, "where there's smoke, there's fire," implying the rumors about his past likely hold truth.
He advises her to think carefully about continuing the relationship before it is too late, warning that love can sometimes blind and deafen us to negative stories. The underlying message is a call for self-preservation and a reminder that genuine love is built on respect, not pressure and suspicion.
