Dear Noy Kulas,
I am writing to you as Emz, a 27-year-old single woman from the Philippines. Since my high school days, I have had six boyfriends, but I never took any relationship too seriously because what I have always sought is stability in life. Last year, I met Jessie, a young entrepreneur based in Manila. He is handsome and very articulate, and we were introduced through a mutual friend who warned me that he is a noted playboy. I confronted him about what I had heard, but he denied it. He also warned me that I am not an easy woman to deal with.
Recently, my cousin returned to the Philippines with her boyfriend and his older brother in November. She introduced me to the guy, who is different from other foreigners—he is very polite. He is a 34-year-old nurse, and according to my friend, he comes from a good family with means. He has courted me and even offered to take me abroad so we can get married there. Since he returned to his home country, he calls me daily, showing consistent effort.
This contrasts sharply with my current boyfriend, who rarely calls me and, even when he is in Cebu, does not make much time for me. The foreigner is different in this regard. I am wondering if I should break up with my boyfriend and replace him with the foreigner who puts in more effort. Would that be a good decision? My boyfriend has done nothing wrong, but he lacks time for me. What should I do?
Emz
Noy Kulas Responds to Emz's Relationship Dilemma
Emz, do not rush to break up with your boyfriend immediately. First, have a conversation with him about your observations regarding his treatment of your relationship. A relationship should not be considered good just because it exists; it needs to be nurtured and valued. Think of a relationship as a precious, delicate plant that requires care, attention, and time to grow, develop, and establish strong roots.
In other words, give it the time it needs to flourish. If you are not satisfied with his response after this discussion, then consider ending it. Why prolong being with someone who only remembers you when it is convenient? There are men who date multiple women, treating them as mere statistics. Your boyfriend might fall into this category, but it is better to clarify things directly with him to understand your standing and make an informed decision.
Aim for a relationship with clear direction and mutual understanding, rather than one where you are left guessing about your future together. Clarity will help you navigate this complex situation and choose the path that aligns with your desire for stability and effort in love.
