A 40-year-old married man from Cebu, using the pseudonym Deo, has reached out to columnist Noy Kulas with a deeply personal and complex dilemma. He revealed a secret romantic and sexual relationship with his first cousin, a situation that began during a drunken dare and has evolved into a hidden affair, challenging both men's understanding of their identities and threatening their families.
A Drunken Dare That Changed Everything
The confession details how the relationship started during a drinking session where the men, already close since childhood, were challenged to kiss each other on the lips. What Deo believed was a mere act of drunken bravado turned into an intense, intimate moment. This encounter, which he describes as "the same as between a woman and a man," did not end there. When they met again, they continued drinking and their connection deepened, leading them to consciously pursue a clandestine relationship.
Both men are married with children and publicly project a very masculine image, making their secret even more fraught with fear and shame. They have used their lifelong closeness as cousins and friends as cover for their meetings, as no one suspects their outings together. However, the emotional complexity has escalated, with Deo admitting he now feels more "long" (a Cebuano term for deep affection or longing) for his cousin than for his own wife, and jealousy has begun to surface between them regarding their spouses.
Noy Kulas's Response: A Call for Self-Control and Reflection
In his response published on December 17, 2025, Noy Kulas acknowledges the confusion such a sudden discovery of one's "feminine aspect" can cause. He states that Deo and his cousin are not alone in this experience, but the phenomenon itself remains poorly understood, with debates about whether it is triggered by environment, chemicals, or genetics.
However, Noy Kulas focuses on practical advice. He emphasizes that the core requirement is individual strength and determination. He cites examples of gay men who have suppressed their homosexuality, remained loyal to their wives, and raised families. His central question to Deo is: if they can do it, why can't you and your cousin separate and avoid each other?
The Risks of Scandal and Emotional Fallout
The columnist underscores the severe risks involved. He warns that their actions constitute infidelity, regardless of the gender of the person involved. This hidden affair will inevitably damage their relationships with their wives, potentially leading to frequent arguments and eventual discovery. Noy Kulas strongly advises both men to carefully consider the precarious path they are on and to find the resolve to end the relationship to avoid scandal and profound shame for their families.
Ultimately, the advice column highlights a painful conflict between concealed sexuality, familial duty, and social image in a conservative setting, leaving the resolution squarely in the hands of the two individuals involved.
