Seeking Guidance on Sibling's Financial Choices and Family Estrangement
A concerned reader from the Philippines has reached out to Papa Joe, a popular advice columnist, with a heartfelt dilemma involving her older brother's spending habits and their impact on family dynamics. The letter, published on January 22, 2026, highlights a common yet painful issue faced by many Filipino families today.
The Core of the Problem: Balancing Personal Desires and Family Responsibilities
In the letter, the reader identifies herself as Mae and explains that her older brother, who identifies as male but has a "pusong babaye" or a woman's heart, is at the center of the conflict. While all siblings in the family are employed and not financially dependent on each other, Mae expresses concern over their parents' poverty. She notes that it would be beneficial if her brother could contribute to the household budget, but he has prioritized his own luxuries instead.
Specifically, Mae mentions that her brother has spent money on a nose job and, more distressingly, is funding his current partner's college education while also providing gifts. This situation has escalated tensions within the family, as they believe the partner might be taking advantage of him financially.
Family Reactions and the Growing Distance
When Mae and her family confronted her brother about these financial decisions, his response was defensive. He questioned why they would expect financial support from him if they weren't providing money to him in return. This exchange has left their parents heartbroken and has led to a significant rift.
To make matters worse, her brother has moved out of the family home and is now living with his partner, effectively cutting ties with his relatives. Mae shares that her mother deeply misses him, adding an emotional layer to the financial strain. The family is left wondering how to bridge this gap and restore their relationship.
Papa Joe's Compassionate Response: Understanding Love and Patience
In his reply, Papa Joe acknowledges the complexity of the situation, emphasizing that love can often cloud judgment and decision-making. He suggests that Mae's brother might be experiencing a form of personal happiness through his spending, which the family cannot fully provide. Papa Joe advises against condemning or getting angry with the brother, as this could be his first experience with deep romantic love, offering him a sense of fulfillment.
He reassures Mae that her brother will likely return to the family in time, especially if he perceives their current anger as temporary. Papa Joe cautions against assuming the partner is merely using him, noting that only the brother and his partner truly understand their relationship dynamics. His final piece of advice is to pray for the brother's well-being and protection from harm, as understanding and compassion might eventually lead him back home.
This exchange underscores the challenges many Filipinos face in balancing individual desires with familial obligations, a topic that resonates widely in the community. For those with similar concerns, Papa Joe encourages sending letters to his email address for further guidance.
