A 35-year-old single mother using the alias Denice finds herself trapped in an emotional crisis as her overseas Filipino worker boyfriend remains unaware of her traumatic past and current status as a parent.
The Secret That Could Shatter Her Relationship
Denice revealed in her letter to SunStar's advice column Tambagi ko Noy Kulas that she was raped by her first cousin, resulting in her becoming a single mother. She kept this traumatic experience hidden from her family to avoid causing disruption, and now faces the same dilemma with her current partner.
Her OFW boyfriend has explicitly stated his desire to marry a virgin woman, creating immense pressure on Denice to maintain her silence about her past. Despite their growing relationship, which included two memorable meetings including one in the country where he works, she hasn't found the courage to disclose her truth.
Love Versus Fear of Rejection
The emotional conflict has reached a critical point where Denice considers ending the relationship preemptively. "Gusto na lang unta nako siyang buwagan pero love na kaayo nako siya," she confessed, highlighting the painful choice between protecting her heart and being honest with someone she deeply loves.
Her fear stems from the possibility that revealing her status as a rape survivor and single mother might lead to immediate rejection. This concern has paralyzed her ability to move forward authentically in the relationship.
Expert Advice: Truth as the Ultimate Test
Noy Kulas, the advice columnist, provided straightforward guidance emphasizing that truth cannot remain hidden forever. "Ayaw kahadlok sa pagsulti sa tinuod kay bisan dili mo siya sultihan karon, ugma iya ra gihapon nang mahibaw-an," he counseled, pointing out that secrets inevitably surface.
The columnist framed this difficult conversation as an opportunity to measure the depth of her boyfriend's love. "Dinhi mo usab masukod kon gihigugma ka ba gyud niya," he wrote, emphasizing that genuine love transcends past circumstances and focuses on the person's character rather than physical history.
Noy Kulas also highlighted numerous success stories of single mothers finding fulfilling relationships with men who truly accept them. He suggested that if her boyfriend prioritizes physical virginity over emotional connection, it may not represent authentic love.
The advice concluded with encouragement for Denice to draw strength from having survived abuse for her family's sake, suggesting she possesses the resilience to handle relationship challenges. Prayer and personal preparation were recommended as essential steps before having this crucial conversation.
