A Letter of Pain and Doubt
Dear Noy Kulas,
Time is incredibly important for two people who truly love each other. For me, it is non-negotiable. I will hide my name as Clara, and let us call my boyfriend Peter.
At the start of our relationship, we were very happy and always together wherever we went. But as time passed, our conflicts began because he had less and less time for me. He became busy with work and sometimes would not reply to my texts or Messenger messages. I felt hurt because he was not like this before. Because of this, we argue almost every week.
Then there was a time when I saw on Facebook that he went on an outing with his company colleagues without even informing me. I began to suspect that he might have another girl in his company. I called him so we could meet, and I expressed my pain and suspicion. He was hurt and cried because my suspicion was not true. He apologized to me.
This is my problem now. What should I do to regain my trust in him? I cannot understand why he changed, but he says he still loves me. If you love someone, you find a way to communicate even if not all the time, right? You make time to meet and update each other, correct? He still has no time for me.
Noy Kulas' Advice
Clara,
Your observation and concern about your relationship are valid because a change in the usual routine always has a reason. Not necessarily that he has someone else, but perhaps your activities have become routine, causing him to seek other activities to break or blend into your routine. However, it is also possible that he has someone else. It is not impossible because in such changes, there is always a reason, and one of these is a third party.
If he continues his behavior towards you, it is time to let go of him. If the former fire in your relationship cannot be revived, why not set him free? It is unhealthy to constantly think about your partner who, perhaps, is not bothered thinking about you. A relationship should be two-way. That is the ideal. If one can no longer keep up with the step, why would you still dance together? Let it go.
Noy Kulas
