Dear Noy Kulas,
I hope you will consider my letter. I am asking for advice on a problem that greatly affects my emotions and morality because I am trapped in a wrong relationship. Let me hide under the name Leah, 48 years old. The relationship is secret because we are both married. It started as a problem and we were looking for relief, or emotional escape from the abuse of my husband. Not only me, but also our children. He is a good provider, Noy Kulas, but very short-tempered so it easily escalates into our fights. At first he did not hit, but over time he became quick with his hands.
This is the beginning of my problem when I became close with Jun, my coworker who is also married. His wife is very mean and I am a witness because sometimes she passes by our workplace and she is fierce. She is just a quarrelsome person. We would share our problems and eat out together. Until we started chatting constantly when no one was in our respective homes.
Until we missed each other so much and that is when it happened that we entered a relationship. To avoid being noticed by our colleagues, we stopped eating together. Once a week we meet secretly in hidden places. Much has happened between us. Now we both feel guilty and plan to end our relationship but we find it hard because it is so painful to think about. What should we do?
Leah
Noy Kulas' Advice
Leah, solving one problem by entering another complicated situation usually does not bring true and lasting peace. Instead, it creates an emotional burden that becomes heavier over time. Broken trust is very hard to restore, and emotional wounds can affect future relationships and self-esteem.
My advice is to stop your relationship and think carefully about the direction of your life. Ask yourself whether this relationship gives true peace, honesty, and dignity, or whether it leads to regret and pain. Temporary feelings should not replace long-term principles and responsibilities.
If there are problems in an existing relationship, it is better to face them through honest communication, seeking advice or counseling. Choosing integrity may be difficult at first, but it protects your future, character, and the people who love you.
Noy Kulas
