Reader's Dilemma: A Single Mom Questions Her Role
A reader named Tess, a 42-year-old single mother, writes to advice columnist Noy Kulas about her live-in partner, Alex, a widower with two children. Tess describes Alex as a good partner but disapproves of how he treats his kids, often physically disciplining them over minor issues. She has tried to reason with him but to no avail.
Tess says she treats Alex's children as her own and often defends them, leading to arguments. Alex questions why she interferes since they are not her biological children. Tess wonders if she should leave the relationship but feels pity for the children, who she believes need a mother figure like her. She asks: "Is it okay to stay for the sake of the children? Do I not have the right to correct him when he does wrong?"
Noy Kulas's Response: Love and Patience Are Key
Noy Kulas advises Tess to first ask herself if she loves Alex. If she does, she should stay and continue showing the children that she is their mother even without a blood tie. He notes that the children already love her because of her affection.
Kulas emphasizes that it is easier to make decisions when she loves all three—Alex and his children. He advises patience, suggesting that Alex may change over time through her reminders and advice. As a partner to the children's father, Tess has the right to look after their welfare, even if she is not their biological mother.
Kulas concludes that as long as Alex does not physically harm Tess or her own child, it is best to stay and hope for gradual change.
