Dear Noy Kulas,
Just call me Emma, 29 years old, single. I have been heartbroken for two years now.
I had a boyfriend whom we shall call Jimmy. We were in a three-year relationship, and I thought we would be together forever because we were close with each other's families. Despite the length of our relationship, he never asked me to give myself to him because he had so much respect for me. He only went as far as kissing. Aside from having great respect for me, he took excellent care of me. Whenever I was sick, he was always there. He made our moments together very memorable. It is very hard to match what he did.
Then the bad news came: he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. It happened so suddenly, and after four months, he died. The event was very painful. Until now, I find it hard to accept that he is gone. I have not entered any other relationship even though it has been a while since he died because I still have no desire.
Noy Kulas, what should I do to recover? Is it good to enter a relationship?
Emma
Noy Kulas' Advice
Emma,
The death of someone who has become a deep part of our lives has a huge impact. Death can change our lives. The two years since his death cannot be considered a long time if your relationship was deeper than that. The pain remains, and the wound is still fresh even as time passes. The path you call recovery is not easy.
Continue with your life. Open your world to opportunities that come your way. Do not stop meeting people who knew both of you. When you are sad or miss him, say it even if they get tired of listening to you. That is how you will realize how much verbalizing your pain helps, instead of hiding and swallowing the grief.
Should you enter a relationship? Do not close your life, the door to another relationship. Maybe God has prepared another person for you. Do not be afraid to love again at the right time.
Noy Kulas
