A 35-year-old single mother, writing under the pseudonym Gemma, has reached out to the popular advice columnist Noy Kulas with a heartfelt dilemma involving rekindled love and a potential life-changing move abroad.
A Reunion Sparks Old Flames
Gemma, who has been separated from her husband for six years, recently attended her high school batch reunion in December. There, she reconnected with her former boyfriend who had been living overseas. She discovered that he was now divorced from his wife after a few years of marriage and they had no children together.
The old feelings between Gemma and her ex-boyfriend quickly reignited. Their rekindled relationship grew so strong that he even took her on a trip around Mindanao. Now, he has proposed a serious plan: he wants to take Gemma abroad to marry her and start a new life together.
The Heart-Wrenching Conflict
While Gemma is drawn to the proposal and the future it promises, she is deeply conflicted. Her primary concern is her two children. For the past six years, she has focused solely on caring for them and her work. Her estranged husband, who has since started a new family, has consistently provided financial support for the children, with Gemma contributing what she can.
The potential move overseas presents a monumental legal and emotional challenge. Gemma is now faced with an impossible choice between pursuing personal happiness with a man she loves and her responsibilities as a mother.
Noy Kulas's Practical and Legal Guidance
In his response, Noy Kulas immediately highlights the complex legal hurdles. He points out that taking the children abroad would not be simple, as it requires the father's consent. Since the father has not abandoned his children and continues to support them, a court order or travel clearance from the social welfare department would be necessary.
Noy Kulas outlines the stark realities of either choice. If she leaves the children behind, sole custody would likely revert to the father, who would probably see her departure as abandonment. If she tries to take them, she must navigate the father's potential opposition and legal procedures.
The columnist's core advice is clear and direct: open communication is essential. He strongly urges Gemma to have a sincere conversation with her estranged husband about her plans. Noy Kulas advises her to explain her situation, emphasizing that she has not interfered in his new life and now seeks her own happiness.
He suggests that through dialogue, they might reach a mutual understanding regarding the care of their children if she decides to leave. Finally, he stresses that if an agreement is reached with the father, the children must be informed about her decision to move abroad in an age-appropriate manner.
The situation encapsulates the difficult trade-offs between romantic love, parental duty, and personal fulfillment that many Filipinos face, especially when opportunities for a better life overseas are involved.
