Dear Dr. Fritz, Good day. I have just been in a relationship for a week now. But I noticed that my girlfriend’s armpit smells. I have been practicing hard to tell her, but honestly, I don’t know how because I am afraid that she might get embarrassed, and I do care for her. Please tell me how. Thank you, and more power. Marty M.
Dear Marty M., I feel that you really care for her because you want her to be better and not be embarrassed, despite her flaws that smell. That’s something, and you must be a gentleman. How awesome!
This is a classic relationship “minefield,” but you can look at it this way – that if roles were reversed, you’d probably want her to tell you before you walked into a crowded room or a business meeting. The truth is, delivering this news is actually an act of kindness, provided it’s done with high empathy and zero judgment.
How to handle the “stray onion” situation without causing a rift
1. The Golden Rules of “The Talk”
- Keep it private: Never, ever mention this in front of friends, family, or even in a car with the windows up where she might feel trapped.
- Check the timing: Don’t tell her right before a big event where she can’t do anything about it. Tell her when she has access to a shower or a change of clothes.
- Use “We” or “I” statements: Avoid “You smell.” Try “I’ve noticed…” or “I think the heat is getting to us…”
2. Three approaches you can try
- a. The “Direct but Gentle” (Best for long-term partners): “Hey babe, I say this because I love you and I’d want to tell you — I think your deodorant might have worn off a bit. Do you want to go freshen up before we head out?”
- b. The “Shared Experience” (Low pressure): “Man, it’s so humid today, I feel like I’m starting to smell like a gym locker. I’m going to go hit the shower/re-apply some spray — do you want to use some too?”
- c. The “New Product” Strategy (Subtle): “I noticed this area is a bit stuffy. I read that some fabrics (like polyester) really hold onto scents. Maybe that shirt is just reacting to the heat?”
3. Consider the root cause
Sometimes it’s not a lack of hygiene. If this is a new or persistent issue, it might be worth keeping in mind (but don’t play doctor unless she asks):
- Stress Sweat: Apocrine sweat (caused by stress) smells significantly worse than “heat sweat.”
- Fabric choice: Synthetic fibers trap bacteria.
- Diet/Hormones: Changes in medication or cycle can alter body chemistry.
Now, if she gets defensive, stay calm. Validate her feelings by saying, “I’m sorry, I know it’s awkward to hear. I just wanted to be the one to tell you so you didn’t have to worry about it later.” Most of the time, the initial sting of embarrassment is replaced by gratitude that she has your back.
Good luck! Dr. Fritz (Dr. Fritz Legarde Espedilla is an aesthetic dermatologist, surgeon, and clinical sexologist. She is also trained in hypnotherapy and Medical Acupuncture. She has been in the broadcast media for more than a decade and has written a book based on her 15-year stint with her radio program, “Healthy is Sexy Secrets ni Dr. Fritz.” For your questions, you may send them to Dear Dr. Fritz, c/o Sunstar- Davao Publishing Inc., Door 11, Ebro-Pelayo Building 1, Juan Luna St., Barangay 29-C, Davao City, or email them to dokatlaw@gmail.com. If you don’t wish your letter to be published, we regret that we cannot answer them. Thank you for your understanding.)
